Twas on this cold night 12 years ago in 1999 that something happened to me.
Yes, i gave birth to our future Prime minister gawd help us all !! I shall not comment upon the weekend Just gone, which mainly consists of chocolate, hideous amounts of birthday party celebrations and wine, i ll do that tomorrow.
Tonight is for my memories of a truly wondrous occasion which started 3 weeks early and ended in the passenger well of a stinky mini metro.
Time check 4.Am January the 31st 1999, Its dark I'm is my bed I'm nearly 9 months pregnant, I'm fat but mainly because I've attempted to eat a whole Chinese restaurant.
I wake up suddenly and I feel a strange warm scary feeling which made me think OH MY CHRIST !!! i have actually just weed myself.
With this said thought in my mind I'm kinda horrified as i am 25 years old and I've never wet the bed before, i peed myself laughing once with my friend Emma when i was about 14 but that 'was' my track record on incontinence.
So there i am on the loo and after about 3 minutes it suddenly dawned on me that it was not in fact wee !! ................. crap, This was it ! my waters had gone. I grabbed a towel and ran down the stairs with it like a sumo wrestler to phone the midwife,
'Ah yeah don't worry' she says you'll be ages she says '...erm yeah ok' i say i think ill have bAAAAAAAAAAAAATH . oh my Christ that was the 1st contraction, (it hurt........ a lot) it passes i run back upstairs with the towel, (like another sumo) and spread my make up across the bathroom floor (well a girls got to look good) Face done cool! i go to wake up Martin..... 'yo erm this baby's coming',........... yeah wot? he says in a sleepy voice. He then realises what I've said 'WHAAAAAAAAAT AGGGHHHH SHIIT'!!!!!! He jumps out of the bed like a gazelle and starts flitting about.
Meanwhile I'm pulling out clothes from all the draws, could i find anything decent to wear??? Its ten past four now and the manshape holds up a pair of 'his' jogging bottoms and says ' omg just wear these!! '( he's a little distressed by now) Another contraction comes my way as i shout 'I CANT WEAR THEM ILL LOOK RIDICULOUS!! i bung on a pair of leggings and a jumper He bundles me down the stairs like i am some kind of care in the community and out of the door.
AAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH contraction number 3 ( i want my mum now) its 4.15
I make it up about 12 steps and waddle to the car like a penguin, something massive is encountering my nether regions, I'm now also growling like some kind of possessed animal.
AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHHHHHIT that was another contraction, i cant shut the car door, another massive belter comes my way as we turn the corner, Martin is by now shouting shall i go? shall i stop?. i just scream get me to the f*****g hospital.
It all goes a bit blank i may have passed out from pain at this point, i come round to discover that we are driving backwards (very fast down a one way street). I lived about 3 minutes away from the maternity hospital. Had done for years... ge knows where to go. But yep we are driving backwards the wrong way 'wot the hell are you doing ?? i ask. ' one way street' he answers ' i cant break the law!! there is no time for arguments, as my baby is catapulted from me and hits the dash board somewhere around Acre street stores. Martin is now beside himself, 'oh my god what is it?' he asks, i wasn't actually sure ' Erm its a baby' i reply shoving the small bare thing in to my coat, wot was at this point attached to a string.
Its 4.20 Am. we finally reach the hospital and miss the corner of it by about 2 millimetres, My gibbering wreck of a husband gets out and runs down the path like a lunatic jabbering nonsense in to the door speaker, something like 'help' my baby's had a wife!!' They come out and put me and said baby on a string in to a wheel chair and wheel us to the delivery suite (bit late for that) Martin is running behind ( he's crying by now) I discover that we have little girl 5 1b 8 oz. 'Are you ok they ask? you've had no pain relief, 'erm actually' i reply can i have some paracetamol i have a stinking head ache.' They make Martin a cup of tea which shakes so much as it reaches his mouth most of it ended up in the saucer, Anyway that was it Number 2 had arrived, In a works vehicle full of mud and dirty sandwiches, I thought she had a scab on her head and dared not touch it for 2 weeks, the midwife was scared to too ' turns out that scab was a piece of mud.🙄
Well there we have it the birth of our future prime minister
I told you things just happen to me :0/
till tomorow..........
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