Good evening Mrs Smiff,
Its 6.20 pm and i write this now in the anticipation that nothing else will go wrong today.
My Day started at 4.30 Am this morning with my silly Labrador crying because no one let her out for a poo before bed time.
Annoyed by this as i was in fact not, on insomniac island but asleep again, this time dreaming of..... 'Well i was travelling upwards on an escalator towards a very bright light the journey took 2 days and when i reached the top there was a massive room it was white with lots of people all sat around the edges, the blinds were closed and we were so high up i was sure i was swaying, this man said he could not open the white blinds till everyone had arrived'. THEN that flaming dog woke me up so ill never see what the hell was out side........... Oh my god i just had a thought, shit may be i was going to heaven??? bloody hell the dog probably saved my life :0(
Couldn't sleep after that so i fed the cat, wondered if any more of the village had caved in checked on the hot person and planned my 40th birthday party wot is 3 years away.
Things were then quiet till 5 to 8 when i legged it downstairs to make sandwiches and the boys breakfast, .............. I'm seeing a pattern emerging here, it is not till the girls get up that i start experiencing real stress!
2 minutes to leave the house time for yet another appointment we have 1 lost hearing aid, 1 pair of glasses, no hearing aid battery in the other one, empty puffer, no shoes (where the hell do they go every day) i have one vomit hot girl and one sneezy girl, with only one pushchair, i could see at this point this was going to be fun, Half way through the appointment small person 2 decides not to speak anymore and seeing as it was an eye test this was not helpful :0/ I got told off by some jumped up behind the counter girl because i was late. (she should try being me) and the optician spoke in some kinda code when he told his work colleague we had lost her Glasses.
Well it was all quiet then for a few hours till small hot bot came up to me and showed me that she had completed the Rubik cube, indeed she had but it was a shame all of the stickers were peeling back off of the plastic. Not being at school my little lady who is 'The' most mischievous small person in the entire universe, was now feeling better and so decided to 'mark' her sisters colouring book with remarks like 'must try harder' and 'this is really rubbish' with sad faces all over it. (number 2 loves her colouring book and has spent hours on it)
When said sister got home and discovered this as you can imagine we had world war 3, shes done the whole book. Currently the smallest one is making a 'sorry ' aeroplane.
This however is not the worst part of my day, oh no that was at approximately 10 to 5 , this was the time that i had an unfortunate accident on a rowing machine with my jogging bottom cord. I hate to say this but i actually showed my knickers to the entire gym, what was full of fit lads on their way home from work. I can never show my face (or my arse) for that matter in that place again. :0(
I have to go lie down now Till tomorrow ............................ Mrs Smiff x
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