Thursday 8 December 2011

Paul McKenna ive spent a tenner on a dodgy hypnosis cd ....... help

Well Campas 
Its only 2 weeks until D day, and im bricking it, i am now resorting to self hypnosis for a pain free birth and it is not going well (see letter below) :0/ I haven't written for a while because, well quite frankly im struggling to get about now, im only 5ft and im supposed to have baby's as big as a ten ft women would have ?? is that fair? i mean how does that work? obviously the space between my ribs and pelvis is smaller by miles, so i suppose the only way is out. which is what my bump has done, im about 1 cm away from it touching the steering wheel now, although driving is not the best of ideas, i thought this as i reversed in to the wall yesterday :0/ 
Another of natures mistakes would be why give me a preggers brain where i drop 'everything' i touch but not to give me arms long enough to pick it all up again?? ive no idea what dropped stuff is all over the place all i can see when i look at the floor is a Massive beach ball. My cooking has got progressively worse if indeed that was possible, things were not too bad sunday until i removed the baking tray from the oven forgetting to wear oven gloves :0( 3 minutes later i poured boiling water to drain the potatoes and it missed the sink  :0( that hurt my foot. Boy 40 who is now my carer and everything else because im so incompetent, had to come and rescue me again :0/
 I sprayed child 3's bright orange hair dye she had for children in need on my arm pits and it wouldn't come off, it was a good job i never went in to labour that day, i looked like an oompalompa, i look like an ompalompa without the orange skin cover believe me. Child 3 also made a potato snow man out of her dinner this week (im sure mash potatoe shouldn't be of the consistency where you can actually sculpt with it :0/ ....)   I bet Nigellas kids have never done that :0(


 I did though discover that may be im not as mad as i thought, according to Holly and Phil on this morning sleep texting is quite normal, a friend also sent me a news paper clipping confirming the fact, so that's one thing to be grateful for!! 
            The goblins have been out as per usual, firstly i had the plague again last week! the second time in 2 months. In bed i was for 3 whole days!! poor boy 40 was running about like an idiot bringing me stuff, feeding me grapes and all that. Luckily he didn't get my morning goblins, it appears to be just me they follow about. Last Monday was a typical day of it. My car decided it didn't want to go anymore which was smashing, child 3 dropped an entire bag of rabbit food on the kitchen floor at 8.25, child 2's hearing aids were no where to be seen her ruck sack was bust beyond repair and she had lost her maths book, i really felt like going on strike, taking some industrial action for my sanity.  Well the teachers all did it, not that i cared because i got a lie in on that Thursday, trouble is strikings not an option for us self employeds, we mortals are a bit different to them not so 'special' perhaps, but erm excuse me there's a reccesion on i haven't got a pension to moan about although boy 40 and i have had massive wage cuts in the last few years. We could stay home and strike too but no one would listen to us so we just carry on with out flipping moaning about it!!! grrrr
              Child 3 was behaving in such an angelic manner Friday morning that i wondered what was happening, she got up early got dressed without being asked, brushed her hair, fed all of the inside pets, attempted making a bit of breakfast, (ill let her off of that mess for effort) she then went outside and fed the outside pets, she also kindly considered their welfare and as it was a bit cold she shoved about 6 bales of hay in the cage (i ll forgive her for that mess too) i have  a grassed patio now. Then it dawned on me Daddy was taking her to see father Christmas on that evening !!! She had told me a few weeks ago that she had a few things to 'explain' to him :0/  The visit went well although child 3 said she could not understand a word he said, apparently he sounded just like the man from south wales....... remember the one?? good god i hope he's not back here pretending to be father Christmas, i shall keep my curtains closed. Child 3 was in the bath the other day when she looked very thoughtful.......... 'Mum' She asked 'You know in the song when they say hes gonna find out if your naughty or nice?? 'Yes' i replied ' Well what if you are naughty and nice??' I wasn't too sure what to say to that.
          Talking about songs, she made up a beautiful one the other day accompanied by her ukele the only thing was it was called My dog is dead., A rather unfortunate title. Listening to a conversation in the back of the car the though was very amusing, A conversation about cheese! child 3 was trying to explain something to child 2 'you know!!!' she kept saying 'That cheese they put in McDonalds burgers .......... Protest cheese!!' lol well you cant blame the cheese for protesting about that can you?  
          Poor Child 2 is unwell again :0( bad timing or what, she caught that nasty virus i had :0( physiotherapy is not coming easy to me at the moment i need arms as long as mr Tickle to do it well, im hoping she will be well before i go pop Talking of going pop im gonna have to go i seem to have been dribbling on about nothing for ages, ill leave you with my letter of desperation for help of a pain free birth to Paul McKenna im hoping he will reply very soon.
            So if you don't ever hear from me again it wouldn't be a bad thing, it just means i literally exploded and was not pregnant after all,otherwise no doubt i shall  have a good birth story to tell lets just hope its not like child 2's, entertaining i agree but a little stressful :0/
Goodbye Faithful readers see ya soon ;0)


               
              































































P.s Rip Harriet hamster the second