Greetings oh thousands of followers, erm Mr Radford and Mrs Smiff
This daily blog thing is hard work and i haven't managed it since the revelations of number 2 child's birth story, I'm afraid nothing can really top that.
Saturday i found myself at a chocolate factory, Cadbury's in the land of Birmingham. I'm sorry to report there was no chocolate river, and em no ompaloompas, but for this i was kind of grateful as my hair dryer blew up on this morning with fire. So it was just me if anyone else was expecting a show, i looked just like willy wonker or a silly Wa***r one or the other. It was a good day though mainly due to the hideous amount of free chocolate they were bunging at me, no one obviously told them of my plight to achieving my Kylie arse by the summer :0/
Sunday was eventful as ever We met up with many good friends for a lovely 3 course Sunday lunch, in fact it was Mr Radfords (my 2nd followers)' 40th birthday. As per usual number 3 child made herself the entertainment, this time by taking a lady product from a basket in the toilets, she of course had no clue what it was but proceeded to put the card board tube on her two first fingers whilst shouting 'hey look I've made a finger snapper' !!, the restuarant we were eating was full at this point, The cotton woolie bit with the string was also fascinating to her and as i took it from her she was horrified, apparently she could have made loads of stuff with that :0/ ..............
Well i don't mind saying it Monday has been a bit of a relief. According to my over active imagination and research on the Internet it was curtains for me, I've thought this for for '3 weeks', that was how long its taken to get an appointment with a 'lady' doctor. I even planned my send off and recorded a song :0/
Ive kept myself cheerful though and put my sudden sad demise to the back of my mind. Thankfully you may be glad to know, ( possibly because you are currently panicking that you will never read bollocks like this again) But hey don't worry I'm fine!!! apparently this weird thang that keeps happening is normal for someone my age!!! Well you've heard it here first so if i do pop off its on record that 'I'm fine'. I'm still a little doubtful.
So hurrah I've got some new tablets and I'm kind of worried about the side effects :0( they can cause 'Extreme Excitement' !!! omfg this is something I'm worried about, if i get much more excitable ill be locked up. :0(
Then it was birthday party for number 2 daughter, the journey home from school was an interesting one 6 girls their bikes and offspring number one with her bike. I have to say i closed my eyes most of the way home :0/ Disaster was to happen though on arrival to house, sing star wouldn't work, the dog kept getting on the trampoline and the chocolate fountain was crap. 4 flimmn bars of galaxy, i tried adding a bit of milk as it was too thick, i mean I'm probably a qualified choclatire now that I've been to cadbury world,.......... erm no it turned in to a kinda cake mixture and was bollocks, id failed again.
I drank wine that night.
Tuesday was a day for changing the birthday bicycle what was too big, on the way home we passed a church called St Barnabus. Small one number 1 said hey mum look its a park and ride church?? wot ? yes ST Bananabus, you get on jebuses , they are Banana buses you go in to town on them, She was deadly serious where the hell she gets that imagination from i don't know. But have put the park and ride outing in my diary.
We then passed a petrol station as the red petrol light came on in the car. Iwas feeling mad that i only filled up 3 days earlier and so mumbled rude things at the car and stormed pass the garage in an 'I'm not buying you any petrol' kind of protest. I kind of regret that now :0/
This day turned out well though thanks to genius child number 3 ........ Straight A's and A * in all subjects, he's report is Quoting tales of unbelievable intellect and words of Oxford and Cambridge, i cant beeeeeeeelive it I'm sooo happy!!! Ive spent years in Cambridge you see, erm mainly cos i was born there :0/
The middle child (our new priminister) of 2000 and 20 summat, has again been on her soap box, i cant really repeat this new policy but it involves saving battersea dogs home ' a lot ' of money and also feeds the homeless. Details need ironing out really :0/
Wednesday was an interesting day when i actually took my cat out in the car to drop off some artwork. :0/ You have to be aware Asbo cat it evil, she'll do anything to get on my wick, so i turn up at a very wealthy ladies home in Painswick with a very nice piece of art i have been commissioned to do. To my horror as i was just pulling up on her drive i turn round to see Asbo sat on the back seat staring at me as if to say 'Ha explain this one' She must have jumped in as i was gass bagging to my neighbour with the doors open. As i stop she thinks its time to get out. How do i get out of the car? the lady is in front of me at the door, i smile a very false smile, fec i need to open my back doors to get the said artwork out. I'm sweating a bit now, this is not very professional. I had visions of asbo legging it, you cant catch her once she goes, i cant lose the cat forever in painswick the kids would kill me.
I started feeling a little sick at this point and the lady must of wondered why i was not getting out of my car :0/ Eventually i just had to do it and luckily she took my 'i will kill you horribly in the river' look as serious and so got under the passenger seat............ It was a shit drive home i feared for my life if that little git was to get under my break pedal. I needed to get to the gym should i just go and leave the little shite in the car??? probably not cats pee is vile.
I dropped off my passenger and went back, i was all of a fluster now and managed to fling 20 screwed up crisp packets from my pocket instead of my membership card. :0( And a lighter which i used to light candles on number two's birthday cake, so it also looked like id been smoking loads of fags too, in between eating crisps. grrrrrrrrrrr
Well we are kind of up to date really, oh apart from the Katy Perry incident off of this morning. .....
I was in my head on stage at the 02 singing very loudly and dancing to Katy Perry's firework song, in the real world i was at the traffic lights with a mini bus full of fit lads staring at me, even the dog was embarrassed and looked out of the window. :0/
I get home to find the cats pooed outside her litter tray ( she wont go out side.... at all) i think she may have a complex about having a boys name, I'm kinda worried she feels embarrassed in front of the other cats out there when i shout GRAHAM tea time. i dunno,
Just had to give the rabbits botty a wash again, why is she pooing on her own tail and sticking every thing in the hutch to it??
I'm going now, to paint some ducks and look for a lost hearing aid
See yaw
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