2086 people are actually interested in my crap life and I'm so excited!!, its like having 2038 counsellors, i mean you don't say much but its nice to know your there listening to the unfortunate mishaps which frequent my life on a daily basis. :0/
Another piece of exciting information to befall my ears today was the fact that someone has nominated me in to the top 50 best bloggers off of Blabber.com !!! So if you are reading today pwease pwease 'Like' my blog @ http://www.babble.com/babble-50/mommy-bloggers/nominate-a-blogger/ I am number 360 on page 8 of the alphabetical listings, as to date i only have 14 likes but its only been up for a day so i should probably be more patient, I've only ever been in one competition before and that was a mothering Sunday card competition in 'The Stroud News and Journal' in the year of 1980! ......... I actually won it and for that i am still proud, with the £1.50 prize winnings i bought some new felt tip pens and art materials. Its funny really that 31 years later and my artwork still features in the exact same paper mainly at Christmas or for country show events.
That leads me conveniently to the story of Saturday the 16th of July :0/ The very day of the yearly country show. I am lucky enough to have become resident artist to the show and Each year i produce a hand painted poster and have a free stall to display said posters and various artworks of what i may have.
Its normally a lovely sunny day in which i catch up with the important people off of town lots of friends and get an invite to the presidents marque for luncheon.
This year however being of the pregnant kind i decided to give my stall to the boy child and his beautiful girlfriend Beatrice who also happens to be the next Nigella Lawson. They were to sell lovely cupcakes and cookies wot she had made, i also am having a clear out of artwork to make way for bubba 4.
So what did it do?? At 8.00Am the sky's opened and there was a monsoon!! It rained like it has never rained before :0( Poor Nigella and boy child they had at least 80 cakes and had been planning the event for weeks :0( Bravely they decided to go ahead with it.
Boy 40 and the teenagers loaded up the van and off they trotted in the peeing down rain with gazebos, tables and much cakeage. I was to meet a friend of mine & the editor of the other local paper at 10.am to judge the colouring competition in fact this is the 2nd time in 8 months i have been a judge of a colouring competition the last one was at the Christmas tree festival off of the town, so Simon Cowel if your looking for any judges in the future i have experience!! :0)
Ten o'clock in the business tent what would be so difficult about that??
Child 2 and 3 are not very good at helping. The rain was hammering down and the car was parked some way from the house. I had 2 portfolios of artwork and half a gazebo of what boy child had forgot..
Drowned, fat scarecrow would be the only words i could use to describe myself upon reaching the car. Child 2 and 3 didn't look much better. They had a small display stand each, how they simultaneously did it i do not know but between the house and the car both stands were both broken :0( Child 2 had also managed to stand in cat shit :0(
It was already 10.am so i just had to go, bubba 4 had also had no breakfast and was i think protesting by spinning about and such like in the temporary chaotic home i call my womb.
The show ground was already filling up with various organisers and stall holders. Fairground attractions and many cows and sheep were in place as were the prize vegetables. And so the rain hammered on down. Some were lucky to have big marquees.The boy child and Nigella were doing everything they could to keep their gazebo grounded in fact at one point it nearly blew away altogether. Being so busy at this point i was lucky to get a parking space where i did. Lucky i thought until i tried to get out of the car. Many people witnessed my embarrassment. There i was with my hair stuck fast with rain to my head drenched to the skin, my two tramp like children now out of the car holding their broken stuff as i tried to squeeze myself out of the car door :0(
I was extremely flustered by now and very late. I am only a small person and can normally squeeze in and out of any space. There was no way i was gonna get out of this one :0/ By now i was swearing a lot, i had chucked some of my stuff out before me and now looked like some kind of street entertainment, you know when one person starts looking at something? and everyone else walking by has to have a look too? there was now a small crowd forming. It was no use i had to re park the car or i would never get out, this meant fishing with my arm for stuff id chucked out already and obviously the kids and their broken contraptions had to get back in :0( The sun came out about lunch time and no one entered the colouring competition :0/ apart from that hundreds of people turned out and the two lovely people in charge were very happy.
Broken contraptions was another downfall of mine this week. The petrol flap on my car cannot be opened unless there are 2 of you. One to press the button on the inside of the drivers door and another to pull the petrol flap open from outside the passengers side of the car. This proves very difficult if you run out of petrol when you are on your own, unless of course you are Mr Tickle.
I had a similar infuriating problem with my previous car, That had no driver side window well not one you could open :0( It had come off of the runners so one finger on the electric button and Bosh it would have smashed down inside the door breaking to smithereens :0( I couldn't park in a multistory car park for a year! ( drive in ticket machines) Worse than that i could not visit any take away drive throughs, unless i reversed around them, this was not very practical and quite dangerous, i got very thin that year :0/
Back to my current petrol flap problem, because of this Little conundrum i declined the kind invite of purchasing petrol by way of red light on the dash board because i was by myself.
The next day i kind of forgot all about it and went driving off to the nearest city about 12 miles away to look at the prams for bubba 4. Also i needed to buy a present for my friends little girl which i had forgotten all about :0(
Whilst at the shop i swore id never go into again i decided to pop across the road to look in the office shop for a corner desk.
Mistaken by the shops position i ended up walking about half a mile. I didn't find it, wasted a whole morning and ended up back at home 'without' the present i had just bought :0( it was still on the checkout in the shop :0(
It was the next day that boy 40 called me at 8.30 am to warn me that he had noticed there was no petrol in the car. Ah that'll be alright i thought it has at least 30 miles when the light comes on................ I was wrong , or may be right my maths is atrocious.
After driving myself to some place i had to be i moved the confiscated toy from in front of the petrol display :0(
0 miles shit!! it was 0 miles and i was 2 miles at least from the garage :0(
Me and bubba 4 were stressed. I status updated my conundrum on face book for advise but they all just laughed at me. I did get there you will gladly learn, but my method of payment did not :0(
Cheeky enough was i to get the man from behind the till to press my button in the first place but then i realised i had no purse AAAAAgggghhh. My face wore a blank expression which i think helped my cause as i explained what i had done. Also the fat bump protruding from my middle may have helped too. "Erm I'm too fat to walk home" i explained. I think though he'd had enough of me by now and his queue was getting rather long, so he let me off. I returned later that day of course and paid the fella.
The following morning boy 40 did not leave home at the usual time of 6.30 am, Extra help in the morning you may think. Not helpful at all really, and i realised this would be the Case when he pulled the bin bag from the bin which then exploded all over the kitchen floor :0( This was to make me feel very unwell, being a man it took a full 25 minutes to clean it all up thus making me 25 minutes late grrrrrrr.
Child 2 cleverly pointed out as we were late for school again that it was a good job that her surname was quite far down on the register so she had at least 4 minutes leeway every day. I told her she must marry someone with the surname of the letter R or onwards for future same lateness problems as she has sadly inherited my scatty jeans :0/
Assembly was interesting that afternoon, Child 3 was in the golden book for writing a most excellent story. She was then to read it out In front of all of the mummy's and daddy's. It was very good and quite normal until the part where she 'ate' her pet :0/ All of the other mummy's looked at me, my Friend whispered loudly 'shes her mummy's daughter alright!' :0/
That evening the phone went and stopped. It rang again 2 minutes later and it was my good friend fizzer. " mate whats wrong with your phone?" she asked. Nothing as far as i know i replied. I then asked child 2 and 3 if they had answered it, "Well" said child 3 yes we did but it was a with held number so we didn't speak" I was a little puzzled. "Yes " Piped up child 2 "we didn't speak because we are not allowed to talk to strangers......!!!" omg , well at least suppose I've taught them well.
I had better go i seem to have been off loading my stresses for far to long, i hope i have not over stayed my welcome in cyber space this week.
Just one more thing though 2038 counsellors of mine, i do have to share one more small conundrum i have found myself in this week :0(
I'm not really sure what to do about it, it seems I've messed up again through being a complete div! I have this friend who is just starting up in business by himself, a hard job at the best of times. Being like i am i said 'Ill design you some advertising postcards and business cards if you like!!" ....... and a website!! for complete free!! (i spend my life making statements like this)
He was very grateful and i spent a hideous amount of time scanning and uploading photos, designing wording 2 different business cards and post cards. I carefully chose a domain name for the website and carefully set it all up ready for text and pictures. I then sent the designs to the printers and had 100 of each printed (of what my friend is paying for)
It was then i made the big boo boo :0( bigger than the one i made last week when i told my mothering law her home smelt of shite :0(
I went back to the website to finish it off only i cant remember the password or the user name to get back in to it :0( its gone :0( i wrote some bumbling words down on some paper but must have miss spelt them, my brain will never throw that information back up :0( The website address is on all of the business cards and post cards 200 of them what he has paid for :0(
WHY oh why do i do these things? its exactly like the time i forgot my Argos reservation number and so could not buy the thing i needed for child 3's birthday what was the next day :0( they had 1 left in stock but it was reserved by me :0( and i couldn't have it :0(
Why am i such an idiot? and when will it all end?
Until next time dudes
P.s please vote for me ill look a right divvy if i have no votes ;0)
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