Well the truth is i didn't write my blog last Friday because i thought the world was going to end!!. So convinced was i that I made no mental notes of unfortunate significant happenings in the week and so cannot remember an awful lot of it, only that it was pretty much a load of shit :0(
Today i greet you from the misery of what is me, i am so miserable you wouldn't believe, being pregnant i have decided is horrible i am to say the least not enjoying myself at all :0( Everything smells bad, Everything is rubbish, Everyone is getting on my nerves and i am not laughing at all, i am officially a grumpy old woman. :0( and i feel about 104.
Today i greet you from the misery of what is me, i am so miserable you wouldn't believe, being pregnant i have decided is horrible i am to say the least not enjoying myself at all :0( Everything smells bad, Everything is rubbish, Everyone is getting on my nerves and i am not laughing at all, i am officially a grumpy old woman. :0( and i feel about 104.
Foolish now i may feel but i didn't see the point in writing my blog as probably in a blown up universe no one was going to read it.
Apart from may be a couple of Armageddon surviving armadillos wearing helmets in an air raid shelter with access to the Internet somewhere far far away........ and quite frankly they were not worth the effort because i hate them too.
That's what this weeks been really an 'effort'. I am also having to catch up with all of last weeks 'life' stuff because i just didn't bother doing any of it. Well if there is a chance of the world ending what miserable sensible person would ? Small person 3 was of the same opinion as me and didn't bother doing her homework either, I'm not sure her teacher saw it as a good enough excuse though :0/
That's what this weeks been really an 'effort'. I am also having to catch up with all of last weeks 'life' stuff because i just didn't bother doing any of it. Well if there is a chance of the world ending what miserable sensible person would ? Small person 3 was of the same opinion as me and didn't bother doing her homework either, I'm not sure her teacher saw it as a good enough excuse though :0/
Well the day came and we hid under the duvet on the instructions of Small person number 3 who knows about these things because she has been learning about war at school, we waited and ........... Nothing.
So here i am with not much to say and too much to do I am just glad to say that they are all finally back at school.
So here i am with not much to say and too much to do I am just glad to say that they are all finally back at school.
The skivalitus virus i spoke of in the last blog, you know the one Child 3 imaginary had, to get out of her Sat's at school? Has I'm sorry to say got child 2 in to an awful lot of trouble this week, so much in fact that many hours were spent in the hospital. Since then we have been nebulised every 3 hours, phyisiotherepyed until my arms nearly fell off, medicated up to the ceiling and child 2 has ingested more steroids than a dodgy athlete trying to win the Olympics :0(
This i can tell you is not a agreeable situation to someone wot is still as tired as me :0( and as sick as me
:0( and as hungry as me :0( There has been no time to eat, no time to sleep, and no time to puke :0( A thoroughly horrid week of my most hated things, the top of that list being snot, sick and hospitals.
As you can imagine id had enough by Friday and was kind of looking forward to Armageddon ......... Miraculously by Friday evening i managed to pull some energy from somewhere, where i have no idea and i haven't seen any since. Energy that was To attend a friends hen night, missing the limo ride there and back due to possible small person 2 emergency's. I drove my fat miserable self there and back, accompanied by my faithful friend Kimbo (who also missed the limo too) but that was because she was being kind to me, 'The unfortunate' 'again'. She did however have a rather smashing glass of champagne on the way, which made me feel a little better, we parked up and walked for 15 minutes in 3 inch heals to the wrong pub !! :0( we did however get asked for id which was Rather smashing as we are 76 between us, but only collectively about 9ft tall so you do the maths, because i can't work it out? :0/
I thankfully made it to the dancing at the end, stayed awake for the drive home, met a massive stag in the road just outside Bisley and spent the entire night on insomniac island :0/
The weekend was a right off to be honest and i wallowed about being miserable, feeling terribly sorry for my tired sick self. :0(
Monday was interesting, The boy child is taking his final exams at the moment and had one upon this day, although I'm slightly worried as apparently they are a lot harder than the mocks :0/ , unfair i feel, I'm just hoping he still gets all of his stars :0/
Erm again if the 'department for working pensions' is reading this Can i get a benefit of some kind for my genius boy child?? £100 per A is what grammar school parents are supposed to cough up nowadays, having a straight A student is a little worrying as my bank account resembles the black hole of Calcutta.
Despite other leeches hanging on and draining my overdraft i discover this week that a cheque of mine I had written and thought had gone away was lost but now found.. UN cashed....... from January fec!!!. Another unexpected bill to add on to the crap list of things wot greets me on insomniac island every night. If any ones got any get rich quick schemes let me know and quickly.
Another thing to bug me on this said Monday nights adventures on insomniac island, was the fact that my last blog had disappeared off line for 2 days :0/ aaaaaagggghhhh i had no clue where it went.
Insomniac island is often a place where reality becomes worse and dreams become more real. By the end of my time there i was convinced that James Dyson was going to sue my ass off because of slanderous talk about his crapalishouis Hoover, slagged off to kingdom come in my said dissappeared blog :0/ I could just see his legal team all over it noting words like 'wot crap' 'Bollocks' and doesn't suck up Animals :0/
Well Just for the record James 'Its not you its me' ;0) I've had nine hoovers in so many years and they have all been crap :0(
Talking of that 'allegedly' crap hoover of mine, i was angered by its eagerness this week to hoover up half a bag of fruitellas, (NEVER COME BETWEEN A PREGNANT TERMINATER AND HER FRUTELLAS) firstly they did not fit in the inside spinney thing well and secondly i was really looking forward to eating them :0(
really wanted them........... I spent 20 minutes trying to get the little suckers out of those spinney brush things, i did get them out though and because they were a little scorched the sweet smell of fruitellas wafted about the air, making me want to eat them even more.......... Well they 'were' still in the wrappers yes they were squashed and the wrappers were a little black in places where they were burnt. but they was the only frutellas in the house, my pregnant brain said 'do it eat them' my normal brain said 'no don't you dirty cow'. Luckily the boy child walked in in the nick of time as i was inspecting one of them out of its wrapper. I didn't want to explain really what i was doing and so sadly chucked the lot in the bin :0( ........... but they are still there ;0)
I have been eating like a pig for 3 months solid. i cant stop, if i stop i feel sick. I am now breaking Guinness world records, last Wednesday i ate a whole stick of rock driving between my house and town. (its a mile and a half :0/ )
Knowing that i will be about 20 stone soon i make a consious effort to take the dog out every single morning for a long run on the common. Well she runs i walk behind with the ball thrower. Labradors are bread to fetch are they not?, they are retrievers, so why the hell is it that when i throw the ball she doesn't see where it lands and i end up retrieving it?? either that or she actually catches the ball but then chews it to pieces refusing to give it back :0/
To add to this silliness we now have the 'summer' problem Oh yes they have released 500 cows on to the common land. 500 stinky cows and 50 moody golfers each morning is what i have to contend with (I'm only trying to keep fit) i don't need the stresses they bring thank you very much.
They (the golfers) stare at me as i walk across the fairway, but who's the stupid one??? 'Me' who gets to walk across the fairway for 'free' searching for balls, or 'them' who pay 100's of pounds a month to walk across the fairway searching for balls???
I do agree though that it was a little unfortunate that i did not have a poo bag on that particular occasion :0/ But then again if they owned the fastest cow chaser this side of china they would risk the chance of golf balls in the head to avoid a stampede. Ive been chased by a cow before and it was not pleasant. Boy 40 being a farmers son isn't the slightest bit afraid of cows, I've been forced to walk through many a dangerous cow field, only last year did i have to dive under a hedge row to save my own life :0( His mother is neither afraid only a few weeks ago 40 odd cows broke over the wall and stampeded her garden.......... she shooed them off fearlessly with a stick :0/
I'm having problems going up to see her at the mo, i cannot do the farmy cow poo smell, normally the stench is bad enough but if your feeling travel sick 24 hours a day it does not mix well, I'm not sure of what excuse to use though it seems a bit unfair to say 'sorry granny i cant bring the kids up because of the terrible poo smell wot surrounds your house' :0/ but what can i do?
I have a list of sorry but i cants at the moment, 'sorry i cant open the dishwasher because it smells' sorry i cant open the fridge it smells of fridges' 'sorry i cant feed the out side pets because they smell of ..... out side pets' 'sorry i can't feed the cats because their food smell of spam' 'sorry i cant clean the toilets, because they smell of toilets' 'sorry my face looks like a slapped ass' the list goes on and its making life very difficult, child 3 doesn't help, its not her fault its just the nature of how she is, only Saturday we were in the beer tent chatting to friends at the yearly 'Grand village fete'
and there she was picking her nose and eating it :0/ as well as being embarassing its just turned my stomach right over :0(
The previous Wednesday i was sorting out some things not really paying attention when she asked me if she could go down the canal, erm yes i suppose we can later i said, it was at that moment i turned round to see that she was wearing a wet suit?? Child three to be honest is my only source of amusement at the moment i found myself thinking back to her antics over the past few months and thought i could write a bloody good book about them. The first chapter would be called, 'Why i do that face'. this chapter would include the time she fell out of my car in the summer and crawled across the the car park, like a 999 rescue as if id shut her in there for hours, another would be when she got hideous amounts of clay out of the river down at a local park, it was a hot day and the day of the scarecrow hunt, this is a yearly thing, its an event many enjoy where you ramble about the village / the river etc searching for scarecrows the villagers have made, we took the dog and a picnic.
The place was packed as per usual, child 3 discovered that the shallow river in which all of the kids play contained vast amounts of brown clay, deciding she would like to make some pots when she got home she started filing up carrier bags with it, you can imagine the state of her, she then decided to spread the said clay all over her small chubby face. This was all very well until we decided to walk home :0/
There she was with the dog, a massive bag of 'brown stuff' and brown stuff all over her face. The looks she recieved were quite strange to say the least. Being a very hot day it was decided to take the now aptly named 'poo face' and the other two to the pub on the way home for a coke. We sat out side I did not enter the establishment as i was far too embarrassed. She sat there with her dog, the carrier bag by her feet and was now finding her predicament very funny, each time a nice family searching for scarecrows walked by she would smile at them then she would say........... yes it is poo. Or to give herself further amusement she would shout at child 2 saying 'dont call me poo face it wasn't my fault' then she would cry in her hands.
This was typical example of me doing 'that' face, its a sort of vacant expression, an 'i cant help it, its her,' kind of expression. I have it on my face most of the time now, seeing as I'm not working due to being so sick and child 2's ups and downs I'm seriously considering putting pen to paper, if one thousand four hundred and summat people are reading this shite i surely stand a good chance ? and of course other options at the moment are very limited. On balance of fairness if i have to put up with this kind of mad life i should be rewarded for it, i at least expect some kind of certificate when my eventual demise comes. Only last week it was said by a friend that my last march tune should be the Benny Hill theme tune :0(
Anyway enough of me your probably all bored to tears, i shall be taking notes this week of unfortunate happenings and will report them as per usual next time........... Now that is that the world is not actually ending until 2012
Until next time dudes xx
:0(
This i can tell you is not a agreeable situation to someone wot is still as tired as me :0( and as sick as me
:0( and as hungry as me :0( There has been no time to eat, no time to sleep, and no time to puke :0( A thoroughly horrid week of my most hated things, the top of that list being snot, sick and hospitals.
As you can imagine id had enough by Friday and was kind of looking forward to Armageddon ......... Miraculously by Friday evening i managed to pull some energy from somewhere, where i have no idea and i haven't seen any since. Energy that was To attend a friends hen night, missing the limo ride there and back due to possible small person 2 emergency's. I drove my fat miserable self there and back, accompanied by my faithful friend Kimbo (who also missed the limo too) but that was because she was being kind to me, 'The unfortunate' 'again'. She did however have a rather smashing glass of champagne on the way, which made me feel a little better, we parked up and walked for 15 minutes in 3 inch heals to the wrong pub !! :0( we did however get asked for id which was Rather smashing as we are 76 between us, but only collectively about 9ft tall so you do the maths, because i can't work it out? :0/
I thankfully made it to the dancing at the end, stayed awake for the drive home, met a massive stag in the road just outside Bisley and spent the entire night on insomniac island :0/
The weekend was a right off to be honest and i wallowed about being miserable, feeling terribly sorry for my tired sick self. :0(
Monday was interesting, The boy child is taking his final exams at the moment and had one upon this day, although I'm slightly worried as apparently they are a lot harder than the mocks :0/ , unfair i feel, I'm just hoping he still gets all of his stars :0/
Erm again if the 'department for working pensions' is reading this Can i get a benefit of some kind for my genius boy child?? £100 per A is what grammar school parents are supposed to cough up nowadays, having a straight A student is a little worrying as my bank account resembles the black hole of Calcutta.
Despite other leeches hanging on and draining my overdraft i discover this week that a cheque of mine I had written and thought had gone away was lost but now found.. UN cashed....... from January fec!!!. Another unexpected bill to add on to the crap list of things wot greets me on insomniac island every night. If any ones got any get rich quick schemes let me know and quickly.
Another thing to bug me on this said Monday nights adventures on insomniac island, was the fact that my last blog had disappeared off line for 2 days :0/ aaaaaagggghhhh i had no clue where it went.
Insomniac island is often a place where reality becomes worse and dreams become more real. By the end of my time there i was convinced that James Dyson was going to sue my ass off because of slanderous talk about his crapalishouis Hoover, slagged off to kingdom come in my said dissappeared blog :0/ I could just see his legal team all over it noting words like 'wot crap' 'Bollocks' and doesn't suck up Animals :0/
Well Just for the record James 'Its not you its me' ;0) I've had nine hoovers in so many years and they have all been crap :0(
Talking of that 'allegedly' crap hoover of mine, i was angered by its eagerness this week to hoover up half a bag of fruitellas, (NEVER COME BETWEEN A PREGNANT TERMINATER AND HER FRUTELLAS) firstly they did not fit in the inside spinney thing well and secondly i was really looking forward to eating them :0(
really wanted them........... I spent 20 minutes trying to get the little suckers out of those spinney brush things, i did get them out though and because they were a little scorched the sweet smell of fruitellas wafted about the air, making me want to eat them even more.......... Well they 'were' still in the wrappers yes they were squashed and the wrappers were a little black in places where they were burnt. but they was the only frutellas in the house, my pregnant brain said 'do it eat them' my normal brain said 'no don't you dirty cow'. Luckily the boy child walked in in the nick of time as i was inspecting one of them out of its wrapper. I didn't want to explain really what i was doing and so sadly chucked the lot in the bin :0( ........... but they are still there ;0)
I have been eating like a pig for 3 months solid. i cant stop, if i stop i feel sick. I am now breaking Guinness world records, last Wednesday i ate a whole stick of rock driving between my house and town. (its a mile and a half :0/ )
Knowing that i will be about 20 stone soon i make a consious effort to take the dog out every single morning for a long run on the common. Well she runs i walk behind with the ball thrower. Labradors are bread to fetch are they not?, they are retrievers, so why the hell is it that when i throw the ball she doesn't see where it lands and i end up retrieving it?? either that or she actually catches the ball but then chews it to pieces refusing to give it back :0/
To add to this silliness we now have the 'summer' problem Oh yes they have released 500 cows on to the common land. 500 stinky cows and 50 moody golfers each morning is what i have to contend with (I'm only trying to keep fit) i don't need the stresses they bring thank you very much.
They (the golfers) stare at me as i walk across the fairway, but who's the stupid one??? 'Me' who gets to walk across the fairway for 'free' searching for balls, or 'them' who pay 100's of pounds a month to walk across the fairway searching for balls???
I do agree though that it was a little unfortunate that i did not have a poo bag on that particular occasion :0/ But then again if they owned the fastest cow chaser this side of china they would risk the chance of golf balls in the head to avoid a stampede. Ive been chased by a cow before and it was not pleasant. Boy 40 being a farmers son isn't the slightest bit afraid of cows, I've been forced to walk through many a dangerous cow field, only last year did i have to dive under a hedge row to save my own life :0( His mother is neither afraid only a few weeks ago 40 odd cows broke over the wall and stampeded her garden.......... she shooed them off fearlessly with a stick :0/
I'm having problems going up to see her at the mo, i cannot do the farmy cow poo smell, normally the stench is bad enough but if your feeling travel sick 24 hours a day it does not mix well, I'm not sure of what excuse to use though it seems a bit unfair to say 'sorry granny i cant bring the kids up because of the terrible poo smell wot surrounds your house' :0/ but what can i do?
I have a list of sorry but i cants at the moment, 'sorry i cant open the dishwasher because it smells' sorry i cant open the fridge it smells of fridges' 'sorry i cant feed the out side pets because they smell of ..... out side pets' 'sorry i can't feed the cats because their food smell of spam' 'sorry i cant clean the toilets, because they smell of toilets' 'sorry my face looks like a slapped ass' the list goes on and its making life very difficult, child 3 doesn't help, its not her fault its just the nature of how she is, only Saturday we were in the beer tent chatting to friends at the yearly 'Grand village fete'
and there she was picking her nose and eating it :0/ as well as being embarassing its just turned my stomach right over :0(
The previous Wednesday i was sorting out some things not really paying attention when she asked me if she could go down the canal, erm yes i suppose we can later i said, it was at that moment i turned round to see that she was wearing a wet suit?? Child three to be honest is my only source of amusement at the moment i found myself thinking back to her antics over the past few months and thought i could write a bloody good book about them. The first chapter would be called, 'Why i do that face'. this chapter would include the time she fell out of my car in the summer and crawled across the the car park, like a 999 rescue as if id shut her in there for hours, another would be when she got hideous amounts of clay out of the river down at a local park, it was a hot day and the day of the scarecrow hunt, this is a yearly thing, its an event many enjoy where you ramble about the village / the river etc searching for scarecrows the villagers have made, we took the dog and a picnic.
The place was packed as per usual, child 3 discovered that the shallow river in which all of the kids play contained vast amounts of brown clay, deciding she would like to make some pots when she got home she started filing up carrier bags with it, you can imagine the state of her, she then decided to spread the said clay all over her small chubby face. This was all very well until we decided to walk home :0/
There she was with the dog, a massive bag of 'brown stuff' and brown stuff all over her face. The looks she recieved were quite strange to say the least. Being a very hot day it was decided to take the now aptly named 'poo face' and the other two to the pub on the way home for a coke. We sat out side I did not enter the establishment as i was far too embarrassed. She sat there with her dog, the carrier bag by her feet and was now finding her predicament very funny, each time a nice family searching for scarecrows walked by she would smile at them then she would say........... yes it is poo. Or to give herself further amusement she would shout at child 2 saying 'dont call me poo face it wasn't my fault' then she would cry in her hands.
This was typical example of me doing 'that' face, its a sort of vacant expression, an 'i cant help it, its her,' kind of expression. I have it on my face most of the time now, seeing as I'm not working due to being so sick and child 2's ups and downs I'm seriously considering putting pen to paper, if one thousand four hundred and summat people are reading this shite i surely stand a good chance ? and of course other options at the moment are very limited. On balance of fairness if i have to put up with this kind of mad life i should be rewarded for it, i at least expect some kind of certificate when my eventual demise comes. Only last week it was said by a friend that my last march tune should be the Benny Hill theme tune :0(
Anyway enough of me your probably all bored to tears, i shall be taking notes this week of unfortunate happenings and will report them as per usual next time........... Now that is that the world is not actually ending until 2012
Until next time dudes xx
:0(
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