Well here i am again, this blog should be called ' Notes from insomniac island' (Bill Bryson travel writer extraordinaire hasn't done that one yet) i could cash in on that title!!, and em don't think of nicking it anyone, what comes out of my gob is immediately copyrighted.
Its currently 2.45 A.m on Wednesday the 27th of April and i am here with the dog, Graham the evil but small cat and a packet of pickled onion monster munch. The only thing on T.V is Airline and i have a very busy day tomorrow. I am annoyed by this inability to sleep AGAIN and i blame just one person for it. Tomorrow i have to clean the house from top to bottom, attend a doctors appointment, make sure i have the relevent monthly medication for child 2, do the shopping wash my hair and attend a 40's street party all before 1.00 pm.
Oh yeah and i have to pack 5 cases and one dog for a short break in Cornwall over the bank holiday.
The weather has been amazingly hot for a few weeks now but don't worry if your garden needs water, it will piss down by Friday :0( How do i know this? because this is the day we go on the only 4 days holiday of the whole year. God knows what would happen if i had the pleasure of going away for a full weeks holiday, there would be tornado's and snow storms mark my words. Just To add to that do you know i have not been on a whole weeks holiday since 1997? and do not even own a passport. So may be i am just lucky to be sodding off for 4 days and 3 nights, ill tell you one day why that is. But not now because its 3.am and Airline is getting to an exciting bit, besides I've run out of monster munch, and i must make a mercy dash to the cupboard.
.............................. Airline really could not have been that exciting!, i woke up at 6.am dribbling on the dog with the cat asleep on my head. I'm not even sure i had some more monster munch :0/
It is now a week later and as predicted Cornwall was a wash out. It was 26 degrees the weekend before!!! can you believe that? ...... i can :0(
I feel a little cheated, this very Friday i was invited to 3 separate parties to celebrate the wedding of Wills n Kate. With wills living only a few miles from here when he was a boy i feel kinda disloyal for not partaking in the celebrations. My mums nearest neighbour is pwincess Anne, and the queen was also about a few weeks ago for a christening, she was probably driven right past my house.
Anyway i feel a bit of a loyal Royal living around here but spent the entire day listening to it on the radio, whilst watching the sodding temperature go down on the car thermometer as the daytime sky got darker and darker stormier and stormier. as we headed further down the M5 :0(
It pissed down in Padstow, hailed on our heads in Helston It was Cold in Clovelly and Boscastle was just a worry quite frankly.
I defiantly have evil warriors from hell following me about at the moment, they are much more powerful than my Monday goblins and are most defiantly instructed by the actual Antichrist. Who i speculate is in fact female lives a few miles from here and likes to rear her ugly head every now and again just to piss me off. I'm 'so' annoyed by them that i purposely visited the Witch museum in Boscastle Sunday afternoon, where i put a spell on the leader.
I felt much better for this and so did my family for the rain was beginning to get on our wick.
I was quite confident that it would work in ridding me of the demons........... Fec!!! it actually worked......Did you read the world news Monday morning??? I think it was all down to me :0/ I was shocked and stunned!! May be i should have specified a name?, Im not well aquainted with witches spells....the spell has obviously worked but on the wrong Antichrist :0( just my bloody luck .................
Anyway my fights with the dark arts are for insomniac island i shall bore you with them no more. This is not Harry potter although in many ways it could be.
To be honest with you thinking back, I'm not entirely sure i should have taken child 3 in to that witch museum. :0/ Later that day (after she nearly bolted off a cliff playing silly beggars, during boy forty's video recording of trawler men) which consisted of some crap commentry on top of the windy cliff and a tiny fishing boat coming slowly in to the harbour ? :0/
We went to a public House near Bodmin for a late Sunday lunch. Child 3 proceeded to pile her plate with hideous amounts of carvery. She was then to do some kind of silly dance in the middle of the pub with her dinner whilst singing 'Sunshine and lollipops' off of the advert? Why? i have no idea may be it was some kind of Sunday sun dance? Anyway the landlord was not best pleased at this display and promptly told her off!
:0(
It was not until we were about to leave that i noticed a white napkin on which she had been scribbling.
Erm who's this? i asked " Its that horrible man over there!" she replied. She was leaving the picture for him on the table. I thought it may have been an apology picture or something nice like that, but then i took a closer look :0/ She em had actually played imaginary hangman with a stick man picture of him. :0/ The words underneath being 'wot a nasty man' :0(
There he was dangling amoungst some carrrots and peas for telling her off and not liking her song. Firmly on her get it list small sad faces like this :0( surrounded the picture. Apparently he had to make do with the drawing as she did not have a needle and cotton to make a voodoo doll :0/ ........
I said to child 3 you know you shouldn't really bear grudges like that its not very nice, Child 2 a young politician and future priminister of the United Kingdom then piped up " well the man did her wrong mum what do you expect?" .............I couldn't really argue with that.
It is though a little worrying. Most parents can take their children to such museums without repercussions. My small people suck every bit of information in and store it in their creative genius minds for later use. I'm just hoping she does not do the dead rat and the shoe spell on her teacher :0/
'They' My kids have progressively got more bonkers and imaginative as they have gone on and i worry that child 4 may be even more bonkers, he's probably in there right now plotting a shit load of mad stuff. That's right child 4 my well kept secret, that power cut back in march has a lot to answer for :0/ He / She (may be both) :0/ is, (hopefully is and not are) due on Christmas day ! of all days it would have been that one wouldn't it??!! Ah well that should scare the shit out of the dark side. Ill just have to call upon the real father Christmas this year to help out with the presents and the wrapping etc.
There was a joke a few weeks ago on facebook when someone commented on my status following a day where i actually ate for England for the entire day. It said that boy 40 was trying to fatten me up for Christmas! ........... well he's certainly done that!
Well campas after that little bombshell i don't have too much more to say, only that if you see child 3 she has changed her name to Lisa. She really wanted to buy a Sponge Bob pen in Clovelly and they only had the name Lisa left :0/ A good enough reason to change your name by deed poll? i dunno.
Also please do not mention the cleaning your feet fiasco in port Issac. She's On the gifted childrens list may be but we argued for 10 whole minutes that it would not work if she tried to clean her feet in the sea from the wet sand in which they were incased. Because they would get sandy again on the way back :0/
In the end she tried it and her feet were of course the same as they were before she cleaned them :0/ Doh! Child 3 is embarrased now that this was not obvious to her genius mind, i have it on video, Video i cannot show to my own mum now because of the rude joke i made about Boy forty sucking a fishermans friend as we got out of the car in Port Issac (he had a sore throat) it was very funny and i laughed at myself for ages. Well we didnt see Bob Martin either but took a photo of his surgery.
Just quickly i hope you will be proud of me because i did not status update for 4 days on facebook which quite frankly gave me the shakes:0( it did not go unnoticed though and i have copy and pasted my friend Claire's Status update off of yesterday. Its nice to know my friends worry about me.................... as it appears do many others :0/
Claire Parker
No comments:
Post a Comment