That's how many visits this shite blog has had believe it or not! I'm not sure where from or who is looking or of what mental state they are in, but hey who am i to be nosey? (or indeed picky) , and to be honest I'm kinda grateful its good therapy to share my life :0/
I didn't think id have much material this week to be truthful i mean Saturday was eventful, i went to 'that' Small town where things just happen to me again, (the chocolate fountain incident, the bank palaver, the shoe shop ) you know the one.
We all went together, erm on our bikes that in itself was a recipe for disaster.
Things were OK until the dog arrived (we have to do separate vehicles to fit all the bikes in)
She was excited ill give her that but not as exited as the other dog we met upon the way! :0/ i can only describe what happened as a shagattack, all though that sounds a little fierce, the other dog was only the size of a rat my girl dog being so dopey was just flabbergasted by the incident, I mean god where the hell do you put your face??? I just kept peddling, fast! trying hard to avoid any unwanted questions.
That was until child number 2 skidded along the cycle track and in to a small river. Leaving her Soaking wet head to foot.
If anyone knows child 2 this is not an agreeable situation, you see child 2 if you don't know comes with a set of rules, you know like in Gremlins. You cant get her wet, you cant get her cold and it is true you cannot feed her after midnight.
Anyway the dastardly deed had happened and she was not best pleased . ( neither was i) we managed to pull her from said small river but she was covered in mud and soaked to the bones, fair play to her and her chest problems we were about 2 miles away from the car, and that's good :0) An achievement to be proud of but obviously not today, now that she was of muddy wet cold filthy attire :0/
We got home eventually. where she had a nice hot bubble bath followed by hot chocolate and fluffy dressing gown, slippers and a small reasurrence talk on the question of (why do things just happen to me mum?)
Of course i had no answer to that really as its obviously hereditary.
Well this was the beginning of my shit week. Small person number 2 became unwell and so i have been stuck at home all week doing chest physio making up antibiotics and trying to maker her better,. I gave up work for lent though so that relieved a bit of the pressure.
Myself and my significant other do not get out much these days without the sprogolites and so on this very Saturday night we had booked nanny and grampy to babysit so we could go to a local restaurant and have a romantic meal, courtesy of some very lovely friends who kindly paid the bill as a birthday present to my 'boy 40'.
It was raining that night and quite stormy, I'm not sure what happened but it was getting quite late, the small people were at Nanny's and so we embarked on the said journey to the restaurant with not much time to spare.
Bombing along the common boy 40 is moaning as apparently my right pisser was not working and the windscreen was filthy :0( then i felt down by my foot as we reached said place and parked up , 'Pants' there right there was Small person 2's Asthma inhaler. ........... We started up the car.... fec.
The Right pisser decided to work which was good now as boy 40 was driving very fast along country lanes and cow fields, (they weren't actual fields) but may as well have been by the amount of mud splashed up my car. Deed done we bomb back to said place to find that there are now no spaces in the car park.. fec.
Boy 40 was really hungry now and if you have ever met a well fed son of a farmer who's hungry you will know that you have to feed him quite quickly to avoid possible fainting. :0/
'YOU CANT LEAVE TRIXYBELL THERE!!!! i shout over as he's running in to the pub out of the rain. ' That car is not a girl for the last time' he replied as i slip and fall in through the open door. I didn't really care of my unfortunate entrance as everyone looked sympathetic and that's kinda what i needed now, and wine of course bloody well lots of it.
He had though just left 'my' car on double yellow lines opposite the place, and was of the opinion that 'any traffic warden out on a flimmin whithering heights night like this in the dark deserved to make a bit of cash' :0(
He was joking but that would happen to me :0/ after 2 glasses of wine i didn't really care anymore just as we gave the order to the waitress the lights went out!!!!!!!!!! you couldn't make this up could you? It was the wind apparently :0( it didn't matter we were happy enough by candle light talking all about our shit day!
Power cut over The meal was really lovely and it ended up a splendifoirus night we went down the local after and skipped home about midnight.
The week was all a bit boring really my Kylie ass has only made it to the gym once, We ate yellow kerplunk straws with our spaghetti bolognase (again) courtesy of child 3 who regularly puts them in the spaghetti jar, one day i will learn.
Wednesday Graham the cat was playing with a new toy a piece of potpourri out of the bowl, or so i thought, she was having a lovely time playing football with it all around the downstairs for about half an hour. it wasn't until i took a closer look that i realised it was in fact a mouses head!!!!!!!! omfg.
As you can imagine child 2 was screaming her head off standing on the sofa child 3 though was very interested in doing experiments on it and was taking a good old look :0/ and daddy was not home, boy child was also out, i didn't know what to do what do you do?, i cant pull of the head of a prawn i certainly cannot pick up decapitated mouses head :0(, AND there is unbelievably no number to call for these kind of emergency's.
We evacuated.
All was well we were safely in my bedroom watching TV the head was far away, then i suddenly thought 'shit' if the heads in my front room where the hell is the body :0/ ............. I still don't know whwere it is and its scaring the crap out of me.
I planted some primroses the next day to make me feel a bit more cheerful, small person 3 came home from school and was delighted that these flowers had grown since she left that morning, I'm not gonna tell her the truth, she still thinks that fairy's live up in our woods too :0)
That night small person 3 was marching about the house singing if i had a hammer (very loud) i wondered what id do if ('i ' had a hammer) .........this kind of turned in to a christian sing song. After that it was walk in the light of the lord, sing Hosanna, & keep me travelling along with you, fair play to child 3 she knows how to start a party she now had daddy and child 2 in a circle all doing cum by ya and a great rendition of my sweet lord on the living room rug with a tambourine.
I made my sharp exit at this time and went to pick up boy child. Who incidentally has had his module year 11 results : chemistry 95% A* Physics 93% A* and biology 100% A* ........... get in!!! I'm er currently looking for sponsors for university btw ;0)
And that's basically it apart from the day the census arrived. well excuse me you bunch of nosey gits what makes you think i have time to fill that in? no one normally wants to listen to what i have to say (part from 550 people on the stats ) ;0) (get in .. again) ,
How much money is that pile o crap going to cost us??
Boy 40 says ill go to prison if i don't fill it in, well bloody well send me there then, least i ll get free food, i bit of a rest and usage of a free gym, my Kylie ass will be well fit!!.
When David Cameron or Nick Clegg feel like replying to my political protest (what was up on a bill board in the center of London for 2 weeks last year) (picked i was ;0) to do that !!
Anyway when they feel like they have the time to listen to me and all my points raised and they can tell me why being self employed is so crap and why they don't give a crap that the building industry contractors are now earning less than 50% of what they were 3 years ago etc etc etc, 'Then' i will fill in your bollocksy census, thank you very much!
Happy Sunday to you campas have a smashing week, i have to go now because the smoke alarm is going off and i fear i have ruined dinner :0/
P.s this is Monday and this is for fizzer follower number 3. Chatting today she reveals that this particular blog was not as full as she had expected, that's fine fizzer don't worry i can talk bollocks for hours, of course i cant tell anyone yet about my near death experience today with the toaster, or of my (angelic genius) boy child's new rock chick antics of last night, i cannot either tell you about the cat poo on my sock, the banana i threw up or the fact that i messed up big style in Argos by reserving the last product and forgetting the reservation number. :0/ grrrrrrrr
I cannot tell you either about how i have wrecked my new Dyson animal (and i cant tell that to Mr Me either) he'll go flimmin bonkers as I've only had it a few months :0/ Hoover number 9 in our relationship :0(
I am gladly just about to embark on a Dr's visit , not glad that is that i have to take small person 2 to the doctor again because she has a large snot fest happening in her lungs, no because that's just doing my head in now. But glad because of the electrocution incident, (what i cant tell you about yet) off of this morning :0/
Fec it nearly blew me to kingdom come (excuse my french) Lets say I'm having some after shocks wot are not pleasant, this may be my last blog in fact :0( Don't all cheer you will never read bollocks like this ever again in your life.
It appears that i have said the word bollocks far too much in this blog and for that i can only apologise. It could be the PMT? i don't know, it often gives me the swearing terets, ( ill check my pmt guide later and look for the symptoms)
My friend Sarah once got in to my car with a swear box wot she had kindly made me. i clocked up £250 just driving to Tescos. Yes i am ashamed of that and Mr Me says its very unlady like to swear, it is i agree but he's the first to laugh when a big bollocky rollocky swear word leaves my mouth what is twenty words long.
Anyway hope you like the add on fizzer it didn't really tell you much you didn't know already as i only spoke to you an hour ago ;0) least I've gotton a good preview in for next weeks blog (and its only monday).............. if I'm still here of course.
Toodle pip
505 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! get in ...............
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